I felt less able to be my usual loving self because of my feelings of jealous insecurity, and I recognized that it was not a good thing for the relationship. I had to work hard to keep those feelings of hurt under control, to be disciplined and not to blame him, because it was my own response.

This is not a situation either of us “engineered.” Just like my visit to the emergency room — we grew closer through the experience, but at such a tremendous psychological cost. Let’s say that I “game” the system and manufacture some kind of life-threatening situation such that I would go to the ER and realize just how much he cares about me? No! That would be awful!

He did not elicit my jealous response deliberately. That is the key. To advise women that they should elicit jealousy, even slightly, is in my view, a mistake.

Hope PERMALINK September 30, 2009 7:46 pm Bhetti, you are young yet (as am I). But I have figured this one out, thanks to getting smacked by it repeatedly. Life already throws so many curveballs at us, that attempting to manufacture some more is just asking for trouble.

Lupo PERMALINK October 1, 2009 12:19 am “the reason girls even attempt to make guys jealous is because they’re trying to elicit a response that shows he cares.”

Yeah, I get that, but, I also read into the Arab dude parable as, “hey look, this is useful; give it a try!” I think that’s a bad idea on lots of levels. You might get the reaction in the story; win, sorta -tell me where they’re at in a year. You might get punched in the face. Or you might get dumped, because eliciting jealousy in that way is highly disrespectful. Regardless of what feelings I might have, they’re going to go away quick if someone tries to play me that way. There are more personal and less funny stories I could tell to illustrate this, but suffice it to say: attempts to elicit jealousy only annoy me.

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Last-modified: 2021-11-23 (火) 22:37:40 (64d)